8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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