Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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