you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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