i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
