the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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