i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
i think my cat just said my name.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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