Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I will be naked everywhere
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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