Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
