u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize