I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
