Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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