Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
