If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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