You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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