i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
