Sry I called you an 8
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
