I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
