their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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