One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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