Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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