I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
