If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
