I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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