so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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