There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
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I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
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Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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