IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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