Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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