apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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