so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
