mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
