Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
