capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
