i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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