Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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