Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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