My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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