What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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