I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
