i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
We are two peas in an std pod
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
