My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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