I need help removing her.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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