Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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