I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
