we made out on top of his cat.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
40s are totally the cure
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
