Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
