Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
