i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Jerry, you need to find god
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
