I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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