at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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