yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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