You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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