She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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