dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I wish my penis had an off switch
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
