Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
operation have a gay friend backfired
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
nutella sex= disaster
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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