Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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