Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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