Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
you never un-have a 4some
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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