Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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