I think I won the penis lottery.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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