At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
