I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
