You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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