So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
