Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
