I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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