I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Randomize
