There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
