I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...