Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
what is it with giant penises always finding me
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.