if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
