I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
