The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
