Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
