It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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