you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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