I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize